Day to day, things have been getting easier. I owe that to my family, friends, and amazing husband who have let me heal from afar. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for loving and supporting me, even when I couldn’t be around or talk. Also, thank you for all the prayers. To the close friends and family that I talked to, thanks for just being there for me and for letting me grieve. For not trying to rush me out of feeling bad, and for giving me great advice when I needed it.
I’m not 100% better. I still deal with bouts of jealousy when I see a healthy baby or a glowing pregnant woman. I still worry about the future and what her prognosis is going to be. I still want a healthy child who doesn’t have a disability. But I’m thankful that it’s getting easier.
We transferred up to UW and I had my first appointment on December 23rd, when I was 27 weeks pregnant, and I’m so happy with that decision. I feel like we’re getting the best care imaginable. I was born 3 months early, weighing 1 pound 12 ounces, and had to stay in UW’s NICU for almost 3 months. I was in good hands then, and my baby will be in good hands now. The ultrasound that morning showed that her ventricles stabilized from her scan two weeks prior. One ventricle was at 22mm, and the other was at 29mm. This is positive news. This means that her ventricles are partially working and draining. Her head still measured about 1-2 weeks ahead of schedule.
I’m going to have an MRI this Thursday at Seattle Children’s to hopefully give more answers. It’s going to check for any abnormalities in her brain that an ultrasound can’t detect, and will hopefully explain why this is happening. Once the Doctors know why it’s happening, it will help determine the best surgery route for her and when they plan on doing the surgery. It’ll also determine when my due date should be. I’m hoping upon hope for ventricles that have stabilized or that have miraculously gone down.
She’s been super active and growing stronger every day. I love her kicks and adorable hiccups. Joshua can see her movements while watching my belly, and I’ve been trying to capture a video of her moving. It’s such a surreal but amazing experience.
It’s crazy how much I already love her with all my heart. That I would give anything in the world for her. I would trade having hydrocephalus in a moment, if it meant that she didn’t have it.