Waiting…

Boy, do I despise waiting…

And it’s all I’ve been doing lately. I’m waiting for the amnio results to come back, which are more than 2 weeks late. Waiting for another ultrasound to see if her ventricles are the same size or bigger. Waiting for my fetal MRI. Waiting to see what’s going to happen to my baby girl once she’s born. This brings the thought of surgery and shunts, and what’ll happen once she has one. I’m not a very patient person. I also have high anxiety.

So much is out of my control. There’s too many unknowns and too many variables. I can’t seem to wrap my head around it all. It’s to the point that I can feel the stress and worry in my shoulders and neck. It’s also affecting how I sleep.

The only good news I’ve heard so far is that my gestational diabetes test came back negative. That’s something I can cross off the “things to worry about” list.

You can call this fate or a coincidence, but on my drive home from work today I heard a familiar song by for KING & COUNTRY called “It’s Not Over Yet.” What drove up and stayed directly to my left during the entire song was a Pediatric and Neonatal ambulance for Mary Bridge Children’s Hospital. Probably transporting a precious child. My eyes couldn’t help but well up.

They are inside your head
You got a voice that says
You won’t get past this one
You won’t win your freedom

It’s like a constant war
And you wanna settle that score
But you’re bruised and beaten
And you feel defeated

This goes out to the heaviest heart

Oh, to everyone who’s hit their limit
It’s not over yet, it’s not over yet
And even when you think you’re finished
It’s not over yet, it’s not over yet
Keep on fighting
Out of the dark, into the light, it’s not over
Hope is rising
Never give in, never give up, it’s not over yet

 

 

 

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